Numb

I have debated making this post. Afraid it would be seen as a publicity stunt, or a virtue signal, or any other number of terrible things people do to exploit the fear that surrounds death. But after giving it some thought and a good night’s sleep I have decided it’s worth saying.

Yesterday, in the town where I live, there was a shooting.

I woke up this morning and don’t feel any less safe than I did yesterday.

I woke up this morning and I don’t feel any pain I didn’t feel yesterday.

I woke up this morning with friends who live and work in Downtown Cincinnati. I am no more afraid for their safety than I was yesterday.

What is wrong here? I should feel something. I should be impacted. I should ask myself “am I next?” I should go to work and be afraid.

I do not. I feel numb.

Have I seen the news too often? Heard the phrase “There’s been another mass shooting” one too many times? Have I spent too many days afraid and concerned for my family and friends? Have I considered the numbers, heard the debates, seen the endless streams of inaccurate memes?

This is not right. I feel violated; like my emotions and feelings have been stolen from em by an over-saturation of death.

This must change. I do not want to keep feeling so numb.